Grandad liked to make things, he got ideas in his head

Then disappeared for months on end to build them in his shed

Like when Nanny used to cycle and she wanted a new bike

Grandad said “leave it to me, what colour would you like?”

 

It had go-faster stripes and a great big shiny bell

But what the saddle used to be, Nanny couldn’t tell

When Nanny tried to ride it, it made a funny sound

She didn’t like to tell him that the wheels should be round

 

Then one day Grandad announced “I’m going to build a boat”

Nanny somehow doubted that the thing would ever float

But she rustled up some sails from old towels and handkerchiefs

Some bedsheets and a duvet and a pair of grandad’s briefs

 

He gathered odds and ends, old bits of wood and bark

He said “this is my masterpiece, I name her Nanny’s Ark”!

He stuck the bits together with a special sort of glue

Then planned her maiden voyage and invited Nanny too

 

So Nanny made a picnic and they set off in the car

The ArK perched on a trailer that used to be a bar

The launch went off quite smoothly, Grandad hollered “All Aboard”!

Nanny smashed a bottle of beer, the best they could afford

 

Grandad was delighted, the ArK sailed really well

They flew off down the river like a bat from out of hell

Before too long he realised, but didn’t like to say

They’d been swept along by wind and tide - going the wrong way!

 

They tried to turn the Ark around, to put her in reverse

But she didn’t have a rudder and to make things even worse

They were in the shipping lane and thought they’d be run down

So they rowed with all their might – for fear that they would drown!

 

They rowed for hours and hours and ended up in France

They shouted “Rule Britannia!” and did a sailor’s dance

The locals were quite friendly, they said “bien venue”

But Grandad stuck his fingers up and grunted “same to you”

 

They went into a restaurant to order fish and chips

But all they got were frogs legs and some horrid garlic dips

Nanny felt all homesick, longing for her bed

So they dumped the Ark in Calais and got the ferry home instead