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Press Play to hear me read I'm Going on a DietAnita Brooke
00:00 / 02:02

I’m Going on a Diet

 

I’m going on a diet, no, I’ve made up my mind

Don’t tell me I don’t need to, you’re only being kind

I know I’m getting fatter, my clothes are all too tight

and my body, once so smooth, has been wrapped in cellulite

 

My standards have been dropping, I’ve been piling on the pounds

So from this moment, going forward, Biscuit Tin is out-of-bounds

Cookies are my weakness, so crunchy, so divine

And pastries, and chocolates, and crisps and dips and wine

 

I’ve given it lots of thought and I’ve written up a plan

I’ll stick to it religiously, I’m positive I can

I’ve got to take control, if I don’t take some action soon

I’ll be like Mr Creosote and explode like a balloon

 

My jeans are digging in and they’re bulging at the seams

So to get this diet started, I’ll cut out custard creams

I’ll do the gym three times a week, I’m going to be so fit

I’ll live on soup and celery - unpack my Nutribullet

 

I had all good intentions then the telephone went and rang

And while chatting to my mum, I felt a hunger pang

On automatic pilot, I put the kettle on for tea

And before we finished chatting, I was on biscuit number 3

 

Damn, damn, damn, why am I so weak?

I’ve only got myself to blame for this bourgeoning physique

The biscuit packet is open now, it’s laying on the side

It’s time to go cold turkey, where’s my sense of pride?

 

I’ll be like a super model, I’ll cut down on my meals

Nothing tastes as good they say as being skinny feels

I’ll start on it tomorrow, I’ve made a solemn vow

But just in case I’m tempted, I’ll eat all the biscuits now

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