I wish I could wear my high heels still but my feet just won’t squeeze in

They're bigger than they used to be, the tendons wearing thin

So now it's time to face the fact, to take it on the chin

Heels and me are history so they’re destined for the bin

 

I used to feel so glamorous all dressed up for a do

My killer heels were fabulous ‘til my tootsies went and grew

I loved how tall they made me feel, slimmer and refined

And apparently they did things that improved the view behind

 

Yes, I felt like Cinderella getting ready for the ball

It never crossed my mind that I might trip up and fall

I often danced the night away in vertiginous heels

Then kicked them off in the taxi home, oh I remember how that feels

 

They never used to hurt me, never gave me any jip

But now I’ve got a feeling that they buggered up my hip

I sometimes put them on at home, just for old times’ sake

But I stumble and I stagger and my back begins to ache

 

So now I have to plod about in ballet pumps and flats

And ugly comfy trainers, now where’s the fun in that?

Dresses just don’t look the same without a bit of heel

They used to add the va-va voom, flair and sex appeal

 

I see young ladies these days, in trainers and a dress

They look feminine and pretty and comfy nonetheless

I don’t know how they pull it off, I just feel like a frump

Sort of short and stocky, dumpy and plump

 

So I’m going to let them go, they’re no more use to me

But they do hold precious memories of how life used to be

I think I’ll keep a few pairs back, a very special few

To remind me of the fun I had - ‘til my tootsies went and grew!