Nanny and Grandad went to the beach to kill a couple of hours

When they left home the sun was out but forecast wind and showers

Nanny made a picnic of sandwiches and cake

And some indigestion tablets for Grandad’s tummy ache

 

They’d packed the car the night before with what they thought they’d need

Some fold-up chairs and a saucy book that Nanny liked to read

A blanket and a flask of tea, a bottle of beer for him

A snorkel and some towels and togs ‘cos Grandad liked to swim

 

They set off nice and early – Grandad doesn’t drive too fast

(His days of doing do-nuts now mostly in the past)

So the beach was almost empty, much to their delight

And they chose their spot judiciously so as not to get frostbite

 

It took a while to set up camp, their blanket blew away

Their wind-breaker was broken and the sky was turning grey

But being British, they persevered, and by about eight-thirty

They sat upon those fold-up chairs with their flask of luke-warm tea

 

“Well this is nice” they both agreed, rubbing in sun lotion

Then Grandad put his trunks on and looked out at the ocean

Brown and slightly choppy now, it really did look grim

A red flag waving in the wind, warning not to swim

 

But Grandad said, the stubborn old git, “I’m going for a dip”

Nanny said “okey-dokey dear, I think I’ll have a kip”

He marched towards the ocean like a soldier off to war

Determined not to hesitate, self discipline to the core

 

He knew people would be watching, felt their eyes upon his back

Dog walkers in raincoats thinking would the old boy crack?

So in he splashed determinedly, fighting the stiff breeze

But walked for nearly half a mile before it reached his knees

 

Eventually he faked a swim but felt humiliated

When Nanny asked “what’s it like in?”, huffed “swimming’s overrated”

So the moral of the story is – always check the tide

‘Cos it’s hard to swim in six inches and keep your sense of pride