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Litterbug I don't know if you've noticed when you're driving in your car But there’s a phenomenon occurring and it’s occurring near and far I don’t know who the culprit is it certainly isn’t me But it grinds my gears and makes me mad - whoever could it be? You must see all the litter it’s all along the road Litterbug is everywhere the dirty little toad He leaves his mark behind him he’s the lowest of the low And if I caught him in the act I’d love to tell him so Sometimes I fantasise about how I would react What I’d say and do if I caught him in the act My husband says “don’t get involved, just look the other way" But I’m not sure I could do that, I’d have to have my say I’d have to grab the chance to look him squarely in the eye And tell him what I think of him, then calmly ask him why When he wound his window down and chucked his rubbish out Who did he think would pick it up?! I'd try hard not to shout It’s not his fault he’s stupid though, he can’t be held to blame He wasn’t educated and he hasn’t got a brain His mummy didn’t teach him when he was a little boy Morons who drop rubbish are devoid of pride and joy He doesn’t see the beauty of our countryside you see He dumbly desecrates it with remains of KFC The trees and fields and daffodils hold no delight for him He’s a philistine, a cretin – I hope he’s not your kin? If he is, do us a favour, have a little word Explain the situation, I know it sounds absurd Take some time to spell it out, make it crystal clear When he does his thing and litters, it won’t just disappear It lays there on the roadside, a sad and ugly thing It can’t just pick itself up and find a handy bin It could be there for centuries, millennia or more Unless a litter picker comes and picks it off the floor Our local WhatsApp group has organised a litter pick We analysed the rubbish and it really makes us sick It’s mostly fast food wrappers that get disposed of in this way It’s pvc and cellophane, things that don’t decay Let’s get Britain tidy, let’s start a new campaign Let’s educate our children and all be proud again Let’s do our bit and contribute, there’s so much we can do To eliminate all litterbugs – I hope he isn’t you?! (I feel that I should mention, just in case I might offend Litterbug can be any gender, he isn’t only men But for the purpose of my poem it worked more easily on this occasion artistic licence trumps equality)

Dear Husband, love of my life, I’m writing to explain What’s happened to your lovely wife, I haven’t gone insane It’s a temporary madness, I’ll soon be right as rain But my body has been ambushed by the hormones in my brain I’m going through the menopause, I know it sounds cliche But anything you say or do might go down the wrong way I’d give me a wide berth, yes I’d keep a low profile You’re walking round on eggshells so I’d tiptoe for a while I’m going through the change of life, in a state of turmoil Hot flushes keep erupting, this volcano’s on the boil I haven’t slept a wink for weeks, don’t bait this raging bull I might explode and you could get a monumental earful My universe is foggy, thoughts vanish in thin air I walk into another room and wonder why I’m there What did I come in for? What was I meant to do? I stand there feeling frightened, haven’t got a bloody clue This transition is unpleasant, my head is in a vice I wish I didn’t feel like this, it isn’t very nice I’m feeling fat and bloated and my hair is getting thin And age spots and wrinkles keep appearing on my skin My boobs are sore and tender and my joints ache all the time I’m going to have to face it, I’m no longer in my prime My self esteem is plummeting, it’s at an all time low And worst of all it’s looking like I’ve lost my libido So I’ve been to see the doctor, she was patient and kind She said it’s very common to think you’ve lost your mind She’s given me some patches, I’m already feeling better I know it’s been tough going, hence the reason for this letter I’m in my second spring now, approaching a new phase Good riddance to the bloom of youth and reproductive days I’m beginning a new chapter of self discovery Praise be to the scientists, thank gould for HRT!

I hope you enjoy reading and listening to some of my poems - they are mostly lighthearted rhymes about the life of a lady-of-a-certain age - either things that strike me as funny or things that rile me and make me mad - I don't know about you but I do enjoy a good rant at times! On the other hand, I have written a few poems that I think are quite moving. I would love to hear what you think...... If you would like a personalized poem for a special occasion or custom poetry for you as an individual or for your business, please do get in touch, Whether you're looking to celebrate a milestone or promote your brand through custom poetry, I'll give it a go! If you are a poet of a similar ilk, please feel free to share your work with me - maybe we could use my site to collaborate - a platform for poets to share their work, promote events, and even sell poetry-related merchandise. Always with a focus on fun and lighthearted poetry, The Artful Poet aims to bring joy and positivity to readers through the power of words. All the beautiful pictures on my site are painted by my incredibly talented sister, Sue Barker. They are stunningly crafted abstrct landscapes painted in acrylic and can be purchased on my site. Please do get in touch if you would like more information. I have a passion for writing and a desire to share my poems with others. I was first inspired to start writing poetry about a year ago after noticing the amount of litter on the side of the road - Litterbug was my first creation and the start of a very unexpected career as a poet!